yesterday my roommate got mad at me because i saw him eating kit-kats and said “oh, so you’re a little kit-kat boy, are you?” and then i had a dream about him killing me
(via asillyandrandomname)
Me: dont fuckin boss me around!!!!!
Someone I Find Attractive: *tells me what to do in a semi-stern voice*
Me:
My laundry basket is self-loading.
My day has not been great, and this actually really helped
(via spongebobssquarepants)
mcdonalds: if you want napkins it’s 50 cents extra
chick-fil-a: just wipe your hands on my shirt. its my pleasure
(via unclefather)
what;s the point of having animals if you won’t let them on the furniture, you stupid bitch
(via unclefather)
Lol takin out the whole team
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(Source: porterr-robinson, via unclefather)